John Carter: Stay on your planet

There is something to be said for movies that seek to do something different, and take you to a different world. Though sci-fi movies aren’t my favorite I recently found myself being dragged to John Carter, Disney’s newest “inspirational” film. Based off a book, the plot was nothing special, a civil war vet is transported to Mars where he becomes a hero and adapts to the new surroundings. Of course there are fight scenes with weird creatures and, like any other Disney movie, he falls in love with the native princess. Overall it kind of screamed “adaptation of Avatar” which in itself was an adaptation of Fern Gully, or Pocohantas, depending on your generational preference. So why see this movie? I’m not really sure. 

Though I am a hard core Disney fan, I wouldn’t have minded missing this one. The acting was mediocre at best, the sets were somewhat boring and the costumes were weak. Leaving me thinking this world would be one worth remaining unvisited. Though it is supposed to be a planet that is near destruction, I still expected a level of creativity, color and wonder. After all, John Carter was still supposed to be drawn to it because of its contrast with the real world. The latter part of the plan was well executed; Virginia was dull and drab, with blacks and greys setting the overall tone for earth. But Mars (or Barsoom as they call it) was drab too, just with a stronger use of earth tones. The wonder just wasn’t there, leaving me unimpressed with the made up world. 

The most disappointing part, and where the movie truly failed, was the author’s disregard of John Carter’s new found strength. Though he used his ability to jump we barely see him fight without a weapon. It is pointed out at the beginning, and then disregarded, so why even say it in the first place?

Noteworthy: Though he was a bit frumpy looking, and reminded me of Flubber gone wrong, the little dog that is loyal to Carter throughout the movie adds some comic relief and is adorable. Everyone loves a good pet side kick after all.

HappyThankYouMorePlease: Exactly right.

Josh Radnor has stolen my heart, and just in time too because his character on How I Met Your Mother is getting a little dull. This movie, written, directed and starred in, by the sitcom celeb, makes me proud to know that there are still indie films that are true to their title. HappyThankYouMorePlease got it right.

There are four main plots, that are somewhat woven together, but also relatively separate. The genius is that they are all about people on the cusp of becoming great, and being loved, and the things that stand in their way.

Sam is a lost, mediocre writer who self-admittedly is “afraid of success,” and love. In a strange string of events, he decides to take responsibility for kid who gets separated from his family on the subway. The child, Rasheen, attaches to Sam because after being shuffled from family to family in foster care, he for some reason feels more comfortable with a stranger than in “the system.” Soon after, he makes a strange deal with a bartender to have her live with him for three days (in order to avoid the inevitable one night stand scenario).

His best friend Annie, played by Malin Akerman, is obsessed with beauty, and trapped by her alopecia. When she is pursued by a guy she deems “less than beautiful,” she immediately blows him off, taking her the remainder of the movie to realize that beauty really is more than just skin deep. In a their final scene, he has her close her eyes and just listen to him and, for once, she really hear how amazing he is, transforming his whole image instantly.  

Sam’s cousin, Mary, is madly in love with her boyfriend but is deeply afraid of commitment. Coming from a “long line of divorced people,” she doesn’t believe that relationships can last and therefore pushes her boyfriend away every chance that she gets.

Noteworthy: The writing is relatively impressive, and stays true to providing the audience with the “indie wisdom” that we have come to expect. “Go out and get yourself loved.” If that is not awesome for its obvious bluntness, I don’t know what is.

Sidenote: If you like this, stay tuned for Liberal Arts, also directed by Randor, starting Zac Efron and Elizabeth Olsen.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

First off, whoever named this movie is a genius, I love this title, and it is so appropriate for this film. A movie about people who are trapped in their own situations could not have been more perfectly portrayed. Though Johnny Depp with long auburn hair took some getting used to.

I was most impressed, however, with the young Leonardo DiCaprio, pre-titanic hype. He brilliantly executed the portrayal of Arnie, a mentally retarded 18 year-old. Having worked with many different mentally disabled children myself, I could see them in him. The way that he moved, and handled his hands was way more accurate than I have seen in previous portrayals (sorry Shia, Leo’s got you beat).

I don’t think you can watch this movie without seeing yourself in someone. Mama is trapped in her own 400 lb. body that embarrasses her so much, it drives her to eat more and trap herself inside the house.  Arnie is trapped in his damaged brain, and is unable to change his behavior no matter how often he is scolded, demonstrated by the fact that he continuously tries to climb up a water tower. The housewife is trapped in a life she didn’t envision for herself, seeking refuge from Gilbert, though I don’t think she ever cares much about that relationship or the one with her husband, seeing as she blatantly tries to sabotage both. Gilbert is simply caught in a world that he believes is impossible to escape from. The movie is gritty and real. Possibly a bit slow as it shows the average, everyday bothers, but it is necessary in creating a true view of this world. Beautifully acted and touching, this one is worth watching.

Noteworthy: Johnny and Leo pre-hype. This movie was before either of them had the pressure to be “true to their image,” so they really succeeded in channeling the characters. They weren’t “Leo as Arnie” or “Johnny as Gilbert,” they really lost themselves. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of both actors still and go see all of their films, but watching Gilbert Grape made me wish they hadn’t gotten so famous and lost that innocence because it really showcased their talent.

This Means War: Handler Hilarity

This is not one of those movies that I am going to over analyze because, lets face it, there’s not much more to it than surface level. This Means War is about two hot CIA agents who fall for the same girl. Boom, let the chaos ensue. The plot is weak, and relatively unoriginal, basically driven by the hotness of it’s leading men. The acting is less than stellar; there will be no Oscar noms. But I would be lying if I said that I don’t enjoy a throwaway rom com every now and again.

Reese Witherspoon plays the sweet girl next-door with an independent woman edge. She was cute and feisty, nothing that we haven’t seen in her other films (Sweet Home Alabama or Just Like Heaven, for example) but still endearing. The main highlight was Chelsea Handler as a supporting character who basically mirrors Handler’s real-life persona, only married with children. She was hysterical. I say more Chelsea Handler movies because, if nothing else, you leave laughing.

This movie fits the bill for date nights, girls nights, or when you could use a laugh. I won’t add it to my personal collection, but I didn’t mind spending the $7.50.

The Vow: I Don't Know

When I saw previews for this movie, I am ashamed to say that I was excited that another lovey-dovey sob story was coming out. In case you haven’t noticed, underneath all the cynicism, I am a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic. The Vow promised to make me feel the way that The Notebook did, or so I thought.

The surface level plot was alright, Leo (Channing Tatum) trying to win Paige (Rachel McAdams) back because she can’t remember him is incredibly reminiscent of the Notebook. The problem was the rest of it. The parents and ex-boyfriend who wanted to give her a do-over, and her decisions to just run away to the familiar instead of trying to remember. It created a story of frustration, one in which the good guy always seemed to get the short stick. The problem was that this rising action was never resolved. There was no climax, or resolution, they just gave up. This made my chick-flick loving girlfriends and I feel incredibly cheated. Why in the world did we go through all that pain, if they weren’t going to rediscovery their love in a passionate, over-the-top reunion scene?

The sadness itself was a waste. I find that most movies have moments with great writing where tears stream down my face, and this is a sort or release. It allows all the sadness and suffering I am watching an outlet because there is a moment when things are so sad, but also so sweet that I am broken down. The Vow did not deliver such a moment, and I was simply left feeling depressed. My friends and I walked away sad and dejected and wondering why the hell we paid good money to get bummed out.

Noteworthy:

The opening scene where they got in the car accident was interesting. When the car got hit, the scene suddenly transitioned into slow motion; so you actually saw Paige fly through the glass while Channing Tatum monologued about moments of impact. It was effective and my favorite part of the movie because it was a creative way to show "impact" that essentially created all of the problems. It was terrifying and surreal watching someone fly slow motion through a windshield, and because of the choice of music and lighting it really didn’t seem serious until everything returned to real time and she crashed onto the hood of the car. 

The Descendants: A Different Kind of Paradise

This movie could not have been more perfectly named; it works on so many levels; the descendants of Hawaiian royalty descending into the depths of modern society. It was also perfectly placed. I loved that the characters had such a connection with a land known as a get away, but that, as this film proves, is really just like everywhere else…screwed up.  Had the movie been set anywhere else, the message would have been diluted.

For those of you who were fans of George Clooney playing the suave lady’s man, or the cool con, in the beautiful Italian suits and always winning the girl, you are missing out on something way better. He is a wonderful wreck. In a movie where everything seems to go wrong for a man who is lost, lovable, and well, normal, Clooney plays the border-line excellently. Matt King flirts between anger and sadness, father and “cheated” husband, strong head of a family and total confusion with very little grace, but you still love him. Clooney’s struggle was mostly internal, but also well portrayed to the audience without overdoing the dramatics. He just was.

The monologue at the beginning worried me a bit. I am not a huge fan of the main character talking to the audience, because, mostly, it ruins the illusion of watching reality. I understand the necessity for it, but I still wish there had been another way to do it. Once we got out of his head though and into the story it mostly stopped, which I am thankful for because it wasn’t needed.

The girls were good too, even though I am personally not a fan of Shailene Woodly in The Secret Life of an American Teenage, she proved that it may be just because The Secret Life sucks. I was pleasantly surprised by her portrayal of the screwed up teen, who really just loved her dad. She should ditch that sideshow and focus on film, she could be great one day.  

Noteworthy:

The ending. The main characters are just sitting on a couch watching a movie narrated by Morgan Freeman, eating ice cream, and nothing happens. You are waiting for someone to say or do something, or even for them to look at each other and smile, to signal closure, but no one does, because there is none. They are connected and disconnected. They made it to the end but it wasn’t easy and it won’t start to be easy. Genius. 

Warhorse: Was that Necessary?

I am a huge Steven Spielberg fan, then again anyone who has had the experience of E.T. and Elliot flying across the sky in a bicycle kind of has to be.  But I will be the first to admit that war movies are not my thing. The idea of following a horse for over two hours was also a little daunting. How much can a horse do? The hype drew me in though and I found myself sitting with my popcorn ready to take the gore for the sake of art.

The story itself was beautiful woven, showing both sides of World War Two, and the many different people who were affected by it. Unfortunately, death is prevalent as well as injury and there are some scenes that are just unbearable to watch. Basically, unless you can handle a constant stream or bullets intermitted with tortured animals, skip this one. When the Joey, the horse,  gets stuck in barbed wire,  the scene seemed to drag on way longer than necessary, In fact, at one point I even had to cover my eyes and yell “make it stop.” Animal cruelty was a big part of the film as well and I can’t help but wonder if APA was present throughout filming to ensure that none of it was real.

For those of you with a stronger stomach for gore than I, the acting was above-average, and the score was well done. Though I’m not sure this will be one we talk about for decades, or that I will add to my library, it was definitely a big project and I applaud Spielberg for taking it on.

Noteworthy:

The scene where two opposing soldiers help Joey (the horse) out of barbed wire, is the best in the whole movie. It showed the humanity of both sides of the war (British and German) and had some great lines that added some much needed humor after a very serious incident.